Welcome to the Sustainer Online website! Here military humour is the name of the game or military humor as our American friends insist on spelling it. We are in the business of providing a light-hearted, jocular, witty view of life in the Armed Forces.

This site has been created to help promote the amusing and satirical yarns that have now made Sustainer the best loved contemporary writer of service humour. His hilarious view of service life in the British Army is always affectionate but very accurate. Many of his comical scenes of service life will ring a bell with anyone who has ever served in any of the Armed Forces of Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the other Commonwealth countries whose Armed forces are organised along British lines. The British Army has provided some wonderful material for Sustainer's droll and witty treatment.

He says, "A sense of humour is important in the British Army. It does help to keep matters in perspective and particularly as the Ministry of Defence continues to screw up everything it touches. I found the same need when I served in the US Army as an Exchange officer. Service life in the USA can be pretty intense but a sense of humour does help to balance the gung ho element and the machinations of the Pentagon. Life in uniform for a soldier, sailor or airman anywhere in the world and regardless of his nationality is really much the same. They all face similar situations its just that the situation wears a different overcoat."

On the following pages you can find further information on Sustainer and of Piscator, the most talented illustrator, whose military cartoons and comical drawings complement the text and always in full colour. The books that these two have created are drawn from Sustainer's humourous articles, short stories and satirical comment that have appeared in a number of military magazines. These include US Army Review, British Army Review, Tank, The Officer and many others.

Don't take our word for it and buy a pig in a poke. Sample what is on offer by reading a chapter from each of Sustainer's books. The brand new and recently published 'Friend & Foe' is stuffed with fun. It will make a wonderful Christmas present for someone and it's the biggest and best book of the series to date.

Anyone who has ever gone for a job interview will relate to the sample chapter from this book. It's called 'Lucky Day' and, of course, for our hero it's anything but a 'Lucky Day'. Never were there more dramatic scenes outside Waterloo, certainly not since 1815, and we don't mean a quarter past six o'clock!

Ponder over this chapter before you order.

HRH The Duke of Edinburgh has read 'Friend & Foe' and has penned a cracking foreword to it. The Duke knows about Service life and he describes 'Friend & Foe' among other things as an, "Amusing, affectionate and, in places, provocative book."

Sticking with pigs and pokes … the arrival of a new Chaplain in the unit is, on the face of it, not funny. But then that depends a bit on the commanding officer and if he is a man of strong views … well! Dip into 'The new Chaplain has arrived'. It's an except from the best selling 'Reveille & Retribution' and it's available to you on this web site here and now.

Spitting is a truly revolting habit but although Sustainer disapproves of spitting it nearly got him into an awful lot of trouble. How? Why? Well have a look at the title story in 'Spit & Polish' and all will be explained. Take care, don't laugh out loud if you are in the office. It could put your job on the line just as Sustainer's was.

If you decide that you would like to order either of these books you can order them by credit card by using the links in the top left and top right of each page on this site. If you would prefer to fax or mail your order into us the form can be found here. Demand is very high. So much so that 'Reveille & Retribution' is now being reprinted for an incredible fourth time. 'Spit & Polish' had a large initial print run in December 1999 but it has sold like very hot cakes, so that too will soon need to be reproduced.

Clearly, Sustainer has the capacity to find the funny side of uniformed life. We think that you might enjoy his work and any of his books make great presents for any one who has ever worn uniform of any hue. We even think that Firemen, Postmen and Policemen will relate to these stories. Sustainer writes a regular military humor column for 'The Officer' and, as ever, his text is supported by Piscator's splendidly humourous illustrations in full colour. You can follow our link to 'The Officer' if you are into Defence issues. Here you will find those issues presented in a bright and readable style but with Sustainer providing the comic relief. There is also information on The Army Benevolent Fund. This is the worthiest of causes and it should be close to the heart of every old soldier. A high proportion of the proceeds of Sustainer's books goes to the Army Benevolent Fund. Other pages include a help page. Should you need any assistance with this site, downloads for the various plug-ins and documents you may want to view this site and a links page to take you onwards through relevant and associated sites.